I recently began reading So Sexy So Soon, which is a social commentary and guidebook for parents about the sexualization of children which is currently happening at very young ages. It was given to me by one of the social workers I'm working with, and aside from its unhidden political agenda, the book is an accurate and interesting take on some of the problems that early sexualization of children has brought to schools and parenting.
In my opinion, the best parts of the book are the real-life anecdotes from parents and teachers about questions or conversations they have had or overheard with their children. It can be heartbreaking to hear stories of young girls, under the age of 8, crying in their bathtubs over being too fat. The book also reminds me of seeing tween girls running around this summer in string bikinis and wondering to myself about the appropriateness of that wardrobe choice. I can remember wanting to blame their mothers for buying them such skimpy and grown-up bathing suits. Who would buy their 11 year old daughter such an overtly sexy bathing suit?
So Sexy So Soon has shifted my view somewhat by pointing out the difficulty that parents have when navigating shopping for clothes with their daughters. Apparently, there are few appropriate choices even available for young girls. How can parents say no when a) it's the only option available or b) it means condeming their child to be socially outcast for wearing something considered dorky or prudish. What will that do to the girl's self-esteem? Why does self-esteem have to be so strongly entwined with appearence for girls? If girls are learning earlier and earlier that they are primarily judged by their appearance, how will they ever grow up to be mentally healthy and successful women?
Miss. H.
So, what I want to know is...what is the answer? I always cringe when teaching sixth grade when I have the girls in teeny tiny denim mini skirts chasing after the boys (most of whom don't even realize the girls exist), sitting next to the girls who still shop at Children's Place and occasionally play with Barbies. As a parent, what do you do?
ReplyDeleteThen again, sometimes I wonder if, by allowing their daughters to dress in trendy clothes, the moms are trying to prevent them from experiencing the awful, awkward middle school years...is that a kindness or a disservice? I was HORRENDOUS as a middle schooler - isn't that kind of a right of passage? But these days there are very few TRULY awkward middle school girls. Most of them are pretty well turned-out, as far as fashion, hairstyles, accessories (I envy the cool glasses they wear, as mine were ultimate 80s!) Even the "dorky" girls look pretty decent...meaning that the awkard minority only stick out even more.
Being a parent is hard! I don't envy those decisions...
Seriously! The authors suggest not saying flat out no to your child when she asks to buy skimpy stuff, but to ask why she wants to buy it and have a discussion about it. They also came up with a game where you sit in the mall or at a coffee shop or something and talk about the women who walk by. You can comment on their clothes and hypothesize why the woman chose that outfit, what people think of her when she's in that outfit, where she might be going or coming from dressed like that, etc. I thought that sounded like a fun game! Plus, it will help distinguish well-dressed, professional, respectable women from no-so-respectable women, and you can ask your daughter which she wants to be when she grows up. Hopefully she'll say the professional / respectable looking one!
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